letting go

I'm gonna try to get back on doing these blogs. I really like the idea of doing a bunch of these and then reading back on them later, having some sort of documentation of my thoughts and self over time. I wish every day that I was the type of kid that kept a diary, because without that written record of my thoughts, I feel like I'm missing out on some sort of personal connection to my self and my past. So, I figured I'd spare my future self by creating that written record and sticking to it.

Why did I stop in the first place? I had a pretty good run of blogging daily when I first started, which felt really good, but then I missed a day. My "perfectionism" turned this imperfection into a failure (or perhaps just an excuse to be lazy), so I turned away from it entirely. I hate looking at my "failures", so I ignored it for a while, trying to push it out of my mind completely - but I couldn't.

I used "perfectionism" as an excuse to be lazy rather than getting something good done, and I decided to let that go. I know I was talking about the blog, but this ties into my art as well. I recently have done a few pieces that are very loose and gestural, a sharp contrast against the more realistic and "tight" work I was doing. I feel unshackled from ideals and expectations and am just going to give what I can and give in to wherever this freedom takes me.

Whatever dude I'm just having a good time,

I'm in my desk chair screaming at the top of my lungs