A couple of things are on my mind today. First off, a question for anyone reading:
Is there a point where you've done so much wrong, you're past redemption?
What I'm getting at is, what's the limit of wrong doing someone must commit to where they just have to accept that they're past the point of being forgiven? Do we believe in rehabilitation, or do we believe that people don't change? Not sure what prompted this thought, and I really don't have any answers either. I've grown and changed a lot as a person as I've gotten older, as I'm sure everyone has, but because of that same fact I consistently feel deep regret and embarassment about who I have been and the ways I've acted in the past. I wonder if any of my past misdeeds have put me past redemption in anyone's eyes. Constantly trying to be less of an idiot requires a lot of reflection on my idiot tendencies, so the self cringe (or loathing, haha) never ends I guess. But if I think so lowly of my past, I can't help but wonder how lowly everyone else thinks of it (although it's probably self aggrandizing to think that anyone thinks about it at all, haha). Anyways, I'd love to hear what you might have to say on the topic (I guess this site comes with a comment section? or you could just tweet at me if you're so inclined).
Anyways. I'm trying to get my priorities straight. It's hard to decide what's most important to you when you like to do so many things. I was learning to play the guitar for a while, practicing every day consistently last summer, but I had to put it down to focus on other things. That's a lame feeling. I figure my number one priority should be creating things, as that's what I think really brings me joy. Yet, art takes time, promoting your art takes time, doing everything necessary to create a fruitful career takes time. But I figure if I really want it, I'll have to make sacrifices. But "what am I willing to sacrifice?" becomes the question.
I'm excited to start painting again soon. I've got a few people lined up to model for me, which really excites me. I like my paintings more when I get to take the pictures and I don't have to use someone else's. The models have really unique, interesting faces. I feel kind of weird going up to people on the street (or in one case, at the gym) and asking if they want to be painted, but I can't just let someone with a cool face pass me up and not regret it - I'd just think about how cool the painting would have been for the next week, kicking myself.
Today I'm working on a poster design, the concept is basically a haunted house that's also a skull, the whole poster being kind of in the style of an 80's horror movie. It's going to be pretty cool if it turns out the way I hope it does. Would y'all be interested in seeing my design work as well in the future? I generally keep it to myself as I figure people mostly want to see paintings from me, but if there's interest, I'd be happy to oblige. Anyways, I should probably be getting back to that.
Gotta find a way to NOT use this blog to procrastinate, haha.
Try out the song "You Don't Have to Worry" by Doris & Kelly. For some reason it's their only song on most streaming services, but it slaps so it makes up for a lack of catalog. Listen to this if you're interested in something that's drearily funky.